Beyond the Scoreboard: Raising Kids Who Know What Really Counts

I came across a quote recently that stopped me in my tracks. It was from The Snowball, a book about Warren Buffett, and it said this:

“If all the emphasis is on what the world's going to think about you, forgetting about how you really behave, you'll wind up with an Outer Scorecard… My dad: he was a 100% Inner Scorecard guy.”

And I thought—YES. THAT. RIGHT THERE!

We live in a world that loves to measure. Likes. Followers. Honor rolls. Goals scored. GPAs. The clothes we wear. Even how “put together” your family looks walking into church or school drop-off.

(One look at us walking into church, 10 minutes late, and you’ll know we are not “put together.” We’re just fortunate we made it!)

But here’s the thing: I don’t want my kids chasing an Outer Scorecard.

We’ve all seen what happens when the Outer Scorecard wins…

Kids crumble under pressure. They don’t know how to speak up for themselves. They chase perfection and praise. They base their worth on performance. And they lose sight of who they actually are.

That’s not the kind of scoreboard I want hanging over my home.

What the Inner Scorecard Looks Like in Our House:

It’s a kid who gets up after striking out—and cheers on the next batter.

It’s my boys helping each other without being asked.(Okay... sometimes without being asked. Bonus points if they don’t argue about it—like while cleaning the kitchen as I write this.)

It’s apologizing when they mess up, and taking responsibility when they do. It’s showing up with effort and a good attitude, even if they’re not the best at something.

It’s the bedtime conversations about doing the right thing, even when it’s hard.

Our oldest has shown this time and time again. He now plays high school baseball and hockey. And there were times when the coaches didn’t play him how we—or he—thought he should be utilized. But he still showed up to every practice with a positive attitude and filled the role he was given.

He didn’t pout. He didn’t quit. He talked to his coaches about how he could improve and what he needed to work on to get where he wanted to be.

And as hard as it was for us not to step in, we stayed out of it. We went to every baseball game to support him—even when we didn’t get to watch him play.

That’s the kind of character that Outer Scorecards don’t measure, but Inner Scorecards absolutely do.

And it starts with us—moms, dads, caregivers.

Whether we realize it or not, our kids are watching what we emphasize.

Do we praise their kindness—or just their wins? Do we value their honesty more than their grades? Do we celebrate their effort—or only the results?

And maybe the harder question...Are we living by an Inner Scorecard ourselves?

That question hit me hard. It made me take inventory.

I can say all the right things—but if I’m constantly worried about what other people think of my parenting, my house, my kids’ mismatched socks, or whether we take fancy vacations... what am I really teaching them?

So here’s what I’m aiming for:

Less pressure to impress. More focus on character.

Less performance. More presence.

Less “What will people think? ”More “What do we know is right?”

That’s the scorecard I want my boys to carry into this world.

Not a perfect one—but an honest one. A kind one. A real one.

Because the world might cheer for their Outer Scorecard now...But it’s their Inner Scorecard that will carry them through life.

And I want them to know what truly matters:

How they treat people. How they handle failure. How they bounce back. How they speak up. How they show kindness when no one’s watching.

I want them to care more about being good than looking good.