Let Them Lose: The Truth About Struggle and Strength

We’ve gotten so uncomfortable with letting our kids fail.

Somewhere along the line, “good parenting” started looking a lot like “preventing pain,” and while that might feel loving in the moment, I’ve got some hard truth for you:

We are not doing our kids any favors by fixing everything for them.

I get it—watching your child struggle is hard.

Watching them lose, fall short, or face disappointment makes every part of you want to swoop in and soften the blow.

Believe me—I want to rush in and be by their side too.

But here’s the thing:

It’s where grit gets built.

It’s where they figure out who they are.

It’s where confidence comes from - not the false, fluffy kind, but the real:

“I survived that and came back stronger” kind.

If we remove the struggle, we remove the strength.

When we constantly step in to fix, explain away, or smooth things over, we take away their opportunity to grow.

We raise kids who expect someone else to solve their problems—and then we act surprised when they grow into adults who don’t know how to face hard things.

The truth?

Struggle is part of the process.

It’s what teaches:

• Resilience

• Personal accountability

• Patience

• Emotional regulation

• Drive

All the stuff we say we want our kids to have, right?

They don’t magically learn it from YouTube, TikTok, or Pinterest quotes.

They learn it from life—their life.

I’m not saying don’t support them.

Of course we support them.

We love them. We encourage them. We sit in the messy middle with them.

But we do not carry the weight of the lesson for them.

We don’t rob them of the experience of figuring it out on their own.

Because when they lose, and then apply what they’ve learned and keep going—That’s where the growth is.

That’s where the confidence is.

That’s where the champion mindset is formed.

What I tell my boys:

You're going to lose.

You're going to mess up.

You’re going to feel like quitting.

And when that happens?

We don’t freak out. We figure it out.

Because life is not about being handed wins—it’s about working for them.

It’s about pushing through when it’s hard.

It’s about applying the lesson and doing it better next time.

That’s how we raise kids who don’t just survive life—But show up, dig in, and win on purpose.